Twenty Three Boys: One Man

Waiting on a man

2011-12-06T13:07:00.001-05:00

I used to be the girl who would never wait on a man. I would never stare at my phone, or worry what he thought of my dress, I was just me and proud of it. But men just want things to come easy, but in reality men are never easy to deal with. Sure to them they are as simple as an on and off switch, but to us women we know it's that simple mind that drives us up the wall the most.

Why do they not think or care like we do? I'm still trying to figure that one out. I guess the best answer is we are just made differently. The whole men are from mars and women are from venus thing must be it. I wonder why we are meant to be together when it is so hard to stay on the same page. I hate the fact I'm checking my phone every 5 second to see if he's online or refreshing my Facebook page over and over again to see if he has commented on anything. I mean who have I become?

I've become a wife who's desperately in love with her husband. I guess love does that to you. You care so much about that person that those little things drive you insane. You love a person so true and deep and when they don't do it the same way as you , it feels like they don't care.

The fact is, they do care. They care probably more than we could ever know. Men don't show a lot of emotions and when they do it's pretty amazing. Women, like me, should start reading in between the lines and realize they care in their own way. I have to stop treating my husband like he is me, because he's not. I'm so much more stylish. I have to know that he would die, protect and care for me like no other and that should be enough. So I will try to let it be enough and know once we are back in each others arms, he will show he cares in all the ways men were designed too -- physically. :)

Live life,

Mrs K.

Missing my Soldier

2011-11-24T21:58:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit: Amy Elizabeth Studios

I never thought I would be able towatch a complete play by play of my husband’s job on TV. Soldiers blowing upbombs on a daily basis and risking their lives for 365 days isn’t something youreally want to see after your favorite show, Gossip Girl, ends at 9. But therehe is, that young EOD technician steering the robot to the number one killer inAmerica, the IED. I can’t help but imagine his face on so and so’s body jokingaround and laughing how they almost got their team killed, again. I try tothink of when we laughed like that so long ago.

It’s in times like this where my mind driftsto the memory of his husky deep voice whispering he loves me as he kisses me onthe forehead and says sweet dreams. I can still remember the sweet smell of hiscologne on our pillow after he left for PT, before the sun shined over myeyelids. I can still hear the voices andcommotion of other soldiers outside getting ready for another day of life inthe Army.

I rolled over and moaned because Icould never fall asleep after he leaves. “Cover your eyes babe,” he said as Igrunted and threw the blankets over my head as the blazing light flickered onabove my head. Why can’t he be organized and have things ready in the morning,just for once? I guess its part of his charm as a man.

It’s sad that I would give anythingfor that right now. To fight over the remote, argue over who’s turn it is to dothe dishes or for the simple act of cleaning up after him. I’ve never wanted anything more in my lifethan to just be next to him, right now, breathing in the same free Americanair.

I just want him back. Back in mylife, living life along side with me and not living a million miles away indanger and sand. Miles of sand. But this is what I signed up for, this is mylife and I’d do it all over again for the chance to say I do a million timesmore. He is my soul mate my other half; he’s my whole world. I can’t imaginehow tough it is for him over there fighting in this war away from everything heknows and loves. I don’t know how he does it and puts up with me everyday atthe same time. He’s pretty amazing I must say.

I only have to be patient just alittle longer, which is defiantly not my strongest trait. Hell it’s not even atrait I have. Yet I have to stay strong each and everyday and put faith in God;that he will come home safe and love me just the same if not more. What anaccomplishment we will have after this year apart. One I can be proud of andtell our children someday of how Mommy and Daddy made it and their love wasstronger than ever. I can’t wait for that day.

Live Life,

Mrs. K

Out of sight, out of mind?

2011-11-17T22:25:00.001-05:00

Being married is amazing. Having someone to come home to, trying to cook new meals together and watching countless movies are some of my favorite perks. Now there are always ups and downs in every relationship, but what happens when your other half leaves you for 365 days?

Not many people have to spend too many days apart from their significant other, but for military wives, girlfriends and their families days alone are just a part of their everyday life. Taking the trash out, paying the bills, fixing the car and keeping the house clean are just some of my everyday chores. I used to have my husband here to help me, but he's off fighting a war and will not be back for quite some time. Crap.

Being apart is tougher than you think. Sure he can call once a month, or try and Skype me whenever he can get to a computer, or chat with me online for a quick 20 minutes and then I don't know when I'll hear from him again. It takes a strong couple to be able to be apart for that long and still stay in love and keep each other happy. I have learned a lot during this year that has fast forwarded my relationship to a deeper level where we are stronger than ever. Think of every problem you have ever had with a man and just pretend he isn't there right now in person for you to fix it. It's a whole new playing field now. You have to learn to fight, love and make up without seeing or hearing the person.

Here are some tips I have found to help you stay connected with your man when he's not around. Just know it can never be as bad as living without him for a year. So take it one day at a time.

Chatting Online- This is probably my number one way to communicate with my husband right now. It's hard because I can't hear tone or his laughter and reading his words is a heck of a lot different than hearing it in person with his facial expressions. Just remember to breathe, reread and know they probably don't mean it the way it sounds.

Phone Convo's- A much better way to stay in contact when you can. Hearing their voice can soothe a lot of issues over fast and easy. Just make sure to be patient and listen. Don't make it a one way conversation.

Skype Sessions- Now it's hard to do for us in the Military because there is about 10 other guys hearing and watching you Skype with your lady, but it is a great feeling to see their face. Try and just make it as normal as possible. If you have a laptop it's great to show them around or new things that might take eyes to see.

Emails aka Love letters- I do love me some long drawn out romantic emails. I can go back and read them whenever I'm feeling lonely or sad. His words make me feel the love and attention I need and it makes me remember why we are so great together.

Packages of Love- A great way to connect and show you care is to send something to each other. If you can't be together, the next best thing is having something that the person you loved picked out just for you to show you they love you.

Live life,

Mrs. K

Reading the subtext of text

2010-02-13T18:27:00.000-05:00

With technology getting more advanced every day, or heck every hour, I wonder how it will affect our relationships in the future. How will it affect the way we communicate, the way we plan events, the way we show love and the way we live?

Right now you can practically meet, talk, date, fall in love and get married all online. Sometimes technology can be a great thing to have in a relationship. I know instant messages, skype and webcam are precious tools to keep long ditance realtionships going. I mean writing a letter is just so last century these days. Even though it's great to be able to keep in touch this way, it presents a series of problems that don't happen in everyday relationships.

The major problem with technolgy in relationships is it takes away the personal touch of everything we do. Of course you can't physically hug or kiss someone via text, but you can send them pictures with a kissy face through your phone. You can email videos of how much you love them or what your wearing to bed tonight ... Even though it's better to get a typed message than nothing at all, the problem with communicating through a screen is misreading all the signals. It's already hard enough to read them in person.

A simple hello can have multiple meanings just by how you type it. Hey could be, "I'm in a normal mood," hola, "I'm feeling exotic today," whats up, "I'm laid back" or hi, which could mean "I'm about to rip your face off with my harsh words sent through the web at lightning speed." The way you read it isn't always how they meant to write it. If they were saying it out loud it would probably be a lot different than what they typed. Facebook is also not the way to A) find out important information, B) say I love you or C) Bicker back and forth about who's writing on your wall.

Be careful with technology in your relationship. Even a phone call is better than a text sometimes. Yet it's awesome when a man can open up and tell you things in an email or text that he would never be able to say out loud. Technology can be a blessing and a curse, but if you keep a good balance it can only help your relationship. Plus, don't you love it when that time you check their Facebook for the 50th time they wrote some little sweet encrypted message of how much they love you?

Live your life,
Andi

Trust and the Truth

2010-01-30T20:08:00.003-05:00

I know many couples or even single people who have a hard time trusting someone. I used to say you should give someone all your trust until you have a reason not to. I don't think that's true anymore because as we all get older we have been through many different relationships with people whom we can not in fact trust. It can be very difficult to let go of those caution signs that our etched into us.

The best kind of relationship you can have is one that is open and honest. A relationship that is based on trust. Once you break it, it becomes harder and harder to get it back. I've caught men in thier lies, but I have also lied. I have not trusted men and they have not trusted me because hey, I wasn't really that trustworthy. Not many people are these days.

When you meet someone new, you kind of get to start over. It's like fresh cut grass; even though there's still the roots and layers of what you have done in the past, you get to start fresh with a new man. You can choose to tell him all about your past or pick and choose what he really needs to know.

It's important to understand you don't want to omit things that need to be shared. For example, if he wants to know if you have cheated on someone before and you have, a good answer would be yes. If he's asking what kind of boys you dated, give him the short list. He doesn't need to hear how many jocks you were with or all those bad boys who sucked at relationships, but were fabulous in bed.You know what kind of mistakes you made and what you learned from them. As long as you know that now and he does, the rest gets lost in the past.

If you're still dating this guy after you both have thrown all your dirty laundry out on the table, then you have to keep that trust and that can be hard. It may take a long time to find someone who is going to like you for all that you are, baggage included and with the extra fees, but it does happen.

For one thing, it's hard to leave your worries behind. I know personally how hard it is to forget how your ex treated you and how that guy was such a jerk, but if you don't also start the slate clean for a new guy how can you expect him to do the same for you? With every relationship there comes a risk. Depending on the man, it's either a low risk or a high risk. What are you willing to risk to find happiness?

I usually go for the high risk ones. I don't know why they just seem to follow me and that's where I get in a situation where I literally have to let go of all my worries and trust in my heart. If he hurts me, and most of the time he will, then oh well. At least I gave it a shot. If he doesn't, well then I'm a lucky girl indeed.

It's not a good idea to get caught up in worrying if it won't work out. You could spend days stressing about, "does he really like me?" Set your own rules and stick by them as much as you can. Eventually the right man will come along. I believe this with my whole heart, the right one, after all the wrong, will come along . Now to know if you're ready? That's something you have to figure out yourself. Good luck and trust in yourself before anyone else.

Live your life,

Andi

photo by Jennifer Rose Photography

As good as it gets

2010-01-18T12:34:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't written. You know how life comes at you sometimes and a million things happen at once and you are so overwhelmed you don't know what to do? Yes, that's what happened to me and just like most people, all at once.

I graduated college, finally, and I have been working a ton of hours and planning my big move to LA. I made it and now I'm here and am as overwhelmed as one could be, but it feels good. I'm trying my hand at writing for entertainment here in Hollywood, how exciting right? I'm sure I'm in for the most amazing adventure.

Not only have I risked everything I have to do this, but I have also been risking my heart at the same time.My life is just crazy. I lost a big part of it a couple months back and it was something that just I just had to let go of.. The clock had run out on us and there was nothing that could have been done to save us.

I thought what I had was as good as it gets. I thought what I had was what real- life fairytales became, which was a let down. I thought he was just the best it could get for me because he stuck around and cared. I never thought I would meet someone who brought the reality back to my dream of the ideal man. A man that could make me smile when he walked in the room, a man that cared about me and loved me for everything I am and everything I am not.

I'm lucky in every way possible. I have dated and seen just about every type of man you could and I'm only 23. I thought if I just focused on my life eventually I would meet someone that might make me happy someday. I had no idea it would be this soon or going to happen when I was going through this huge life changing event, but it did.

I learned a long time ago you shouldn't be looking for someone you can spend the rest of your life with. You should be looking for someone you can't live without. It should feel like you're walking on water, or getting high on the love that's surrounding your whole body. Your heart aches when you're away from him and they occupy your mind every minute of the day. I always dreamed it would be out there and I have to say I'm pretty sure I found it.

There are always obstacles in life and of course love doesn't come easy. But we all know it's worth it. At least I know he is worth it. We may be a couple thousand miles away, but what we have crosses oceans and mountains and I can still feel it, in my heart everyday. Sometimes the right man can come along when you least expect it. I didn't know it at first, because come on we all know it usually never goes on past a month, but after we made it past three months and we said those three words, I knew he was the one.

As much as I talk about boys and how awful they can be or how hard the world of dating is, there is someone out there made just for you. Believe in that still and have faith. Don't settle for anything less than what you want because those boys just don't deserve you. Good luck!

Live your life,
Andi

Family!

2009-07-28T15:42:00.000-04:00

Having a loving and caring family is a blessing; being able to share that with the one you love is priceless. I was lucky enough to spend the entire weekend with my family, who flew in from Georgia, and even though it was short lived, it was still a blast. We stayed up late, laughed until our insides hurt and just had the chance to be around each other, which meant the world to me.

Family is important to a lot of people and it's equally important in a relationship. Understanding someones family and getting along with them can determine a lot about your relationship. Parents and siblings may not always be so welcoming and that's something that can take a toll on your relationship.

Luckily our, my boyfriend and I, families get along great. Although they can sometimes cause a lot of stress for us, they are precious to both of us. It's important to see how your significant other gets along with your family. I know many couples who have family troubles and it's very hard to stay on good terms with them if they hate their boyfriend or girlfriend.

So when you are looking for that special someone try to keep in mind that they might have to meet your parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents someday and be prepared. You might see a side of your man you thought didn't exist. Lucky for me it's a side I love.

Live your life,

Andi

Also check out the duck tours in Boston! One of the funnest tours I have been on just because my little brother drove the boat!

Photo by Jennifer Rose Photography

Moving in?

2009-07-18T01:52:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in one's life, some earlier than others, when the little birdie has to move out of the nest. They start to find their own food, clean their clothes, their house and they begin the process of making their own decisions.

I did this a little early in my own life, but now it's time for some boys I know to step up to the plate. A number of them have been spoiled and some never needed to fend for themselves and still don't. For me, I want to move forward in my relationship and get a few months of practice living together before we make the big move into our own place.

Living with a significant other is a challenge. Not only do you have to come home to each other every day, but you also have to figure out how you merge both of your lives together so that you don't drive each other crazy.

Some tips on handling the move?

1. Communicate!
I can't stress how important it is to talk about the changes in both of your lives. If you talk about your dislikes and be upfront and honest then arguments can run smoother.

2. Contribute.
Dishes, vacuuming, dinner; make the extra effort and help around the house. Both of your lives can get pretty hectic and helping out without asking is always a winning move.

3. Be responsible.
Moving in together is a big deal. Treat each other with respect and remember that you have a home together now and every detail of that is just as important as your relationship.

Live your life,

Andi

Moving on and moving up

2009-05-26T10:09:00.001-04:00

Graduation is a time for growing up and moving ahead in life. To some people it can be a new beginning or a chance to practice what you have learned. In kindergarden it was about getting ready for first grade. In high school you were nervous about your plans for college or how to make a living. Graduating college is probably the greatest and most meaningful graduation because you chose it.

It's time to embrace your future now and leave the past behind. The childish college guys you met are not important anymore. You lived and you learned. It's time now to take what you have learned and use it in your everyday life.

Here are some tips or things to inspect that will help you spot the right kind of men post graduation.

1. PARTYING - If he is still partying 5 out of the 7 nights in a week, he probably isn't going to have much time for you. Clearly beer pong is a profession now and you don't want to get in the way of his career.

2. DATES His dates still consist of college frat parties, 12 am dinner at McDonald's and a lovely drunk invite for a sleep-over at his dumpy apartment. You have a degree now ladies. Up your standards just a tad.

3. JOB - I know the economy is bad, but if he can't even get a job at Starbucks, I don't think he'll be making it big anytime soon.

4. PARENTS - Living with the parents after college is fine for awhile. We have to somehow pay those college loans off. But if his Mom is still doing his laundry and bringing him sandwiches, he is still living in a child's world.

5. CLOTHES - He doesn't own a pair of dress pants or a button down shirt. Didn't they ever go to a semi-formal?

6. HOBBIES -His main idea of fun is playing video games. Time and place man, time and place.

7. LANGUAGE - His conversations consist of the best way to funnel a beer, stay up all night and make your room appear to be clean, even though it isn't, when your parents come to visit.

Good luck in finding those new men. It will be tough I'm sure, but well worth it.

Live life,

Andi

Photo by Jennifer Rose Photography

Second chances, or three or four

2009-04-04T13:33:00.000-04:00

Some people don't believe in second chances. I'd say I believe in beating the horse until he's down.

I have recycled and reused the biggest love I have ever known so many times, I can't even remember how many times we broke up and got back together. Probably as many times as you change your oil.

That sounds like a bad thing, but honestly if we tried to stay together all those years we wouldn't have evolved into the people we are today. People that maybe now we can truly appreciate and understand.

I tell other people I know, who don't like second chances, that when you are considering one you should really think about why you're going back. Why is this chance worth it? Have things changed between you that will help the relationship now instead of break it?

Think about these things:

1. If one or the other cheated, can you honestly trust them now? If you haven't forgiven them then how are you going to move forward?

2. The problems you had before, are they still there? Have you accepted them and are willing to work on them if they are still there?

3. Are you willing to change your old habits for new ones? Like staying in with the bf/gf instead of partying all the time?

4. Is this person worth risking your heart again? Do they make you happy enough that when they might fall short, you can live with that?

5. Don't just give someone a second chance if you aren't ready. If I learned that a long time ago maybe we would have had only one break up, instead of 20.

Second chances are hard to give and receive. If you can't both understand and work on things that used to be problems, things will most likely just die. Both of you have to commit to giving 100% in the relationship. Some of the best marriages were people who took a leap of faith and braved that second chance and look what became of them. Miracles do happen an sometimes a break up is what you needed. Sometimes space and distance helps you realize what you were missing.

“If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.”

tupac

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

unkown

Here is to all the second chances in the world that worked out.

live your life,

andi

The point of hooking up

2009-03-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

Seriously, I just don't get it anymore. What is the point of hooking up with someone? What does that even mean? I have come across a few men recently who seem to think that just making out and such is the ONLY thing we need to do together.

Who made that rule?

Why should I hook up with someone without getting the restof the perks? It's just not fair. I think girls have the right to make guys chase them a little. I don't mean make them jump through hoops or anything, but is it too much to ask a guy to come drive to your house for once? Is it impossible to take a girl out to dinner, ice skating, the movies or just even ask her to do something besides coming over late at night?

People don't want the relationship or the responsibilities that come with dating. If it honestly feels like you have to call them or make plans or act in any certain way, well then they are obviously not the person for you.

Some people like having just a hook up. Both parties need to be aware of this title though and clear of what each person will get out of it. Otherwise what is the point of hooking up? Isn't it supposed to lead to something else? I thought that was the point, but I guess I'm wrong.

I guess hooking up can just be hooking up. It's the process of "getting to know you" as it was put to me. In my opinion the hooking up should come after the getting to know. The physical part of the relationship can alter your mind and mess things up. I can't figure out how it does just yet, but I know that's the problem. I've learned that talking and spending time with them, doing things you both like to do, is a much better way to get to know someone. Then if you still really like them, bring on the physical part :)

Good luck making those decisions because seriously, who doesn't want to hook up with that gorgeous guy you met last week? Follow your hearts but lead with your mind, or at least try to!

Live your life,

Andi

All the single ladies

2009-02-24T12:20:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, completely single again. Valentines Day was just a celebration for single girls around the world, especially at the local bar I went to with my friends that night. They prowled in around 12:00 am and looked about as happy as a cat being skinned. Seriously. My friend and I received countless haunting glances from the young 21-year-old girls because we actually had smiles on our faces. Now of course I wasn't super happy inside that night. I got dumped that week, rejected by another guy who was getting over his ex, and felt as alone as someone could feel on this night. But I held my head up high and was determined to not stay in and watch chick flicks and feel sorry for myself.

I finally feel like being single can be a good thing. I'm focused on school and my career and not worried about anyone else. It's not so bad thinking about myself all the time. Being single doesn't mean I won't go on a date or not grab love when it happens, just that I won't worry about finding someone. I embrace the once dreaded word (single) now and am happy just going out with my friends and doing my own thing.

Of course thats when the comedian Greg Behrendt said is the perfect time for someone to come and fuck it all up. He is the writer of "He's just not that into you" and he finally opened my eyes to things I never understood before.

1. Why women think bad men are good

Because other women tell you that a friend of a cousins friends boyfriend cheated on them but now they are happily married. We have got to stop making excuses for what guys do when they aren't interested. Face it, if a guy doesn't call, cheats on you, ignores you or treats you like shit, then he's not worth it and move on.

2. Don't get married until you are ready or without being 100% sure.

I already knew this one, but it seems a lot of other women don't. It's probably something not on our young minds, but in the back of our head I would say we all think "could I marry this person?" I'm only 22 and I've been proposed to once and almost proposed to another time. So I would say I'm glad I already knew this rule and unserstand that marriage is the biggest deal in the world for me. Something I will never rush into. Probably the only thing I don't rush into.

3. Guys are giving us signs when they don't call, text, or email.

I know it seems like an obvious thing and we should all realize it, but guys have this sneaky way of still keeping you around without doing the work. They might not call or text today, but then a couple days go by and there they are again. Reasons: "Oh I have been busy, I texted you ... you didn't get it?" Or I've experienced the " Oh well you didn't come out and say you wanted to hang out?" I guess girls are supposed to do all the chasing but then we are crazy when do it.

Well I'd like to say I have learned a lot. I have, really. Truth is I have learned so much and I still can't spot the guys who just are not for me. Now that I can read these signs better I think it will be easier to realize HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME :)

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Jennifer Rose

Being second

2009-02-08T21:03:00.000-05:00

Most people in life fall in love at least once. That head over heels kind of love that makes you wake up and go to sleep thinking of only them. The kind of love that makes your heat skip beats when you kiss and the kind of love that makes responsibilities go out the window when you're sitting next to each other watching something ridiculous on tv. The kind of love that I think only exists in the books I read.

It's kind of hard to describe that love when I've never really had it. I mean I have had those feelings when I first meet someone, but eventually it fades, reality sets in and they just never seem to give me that feeling again.

I wish I could have had that in my life, just once. Then I could understand why a guy treats me as his second best. I could figure out why they can't get let go and why I'm never enough or why he's never enough. It's amazing to witness that love between other people, but the only love I've ever known has been the love that has grown. A boy I loved, but not in the way your supposed to love. My second best has always been him, even though I've never found my first.

Then I could sit here and be patient and guarded when I start seeing someone. I could be the one to say I want to take things slow because I find it hard to open up again. I have learned to be guarded anyways, but because of all my failed attempts at trying to fall in love.

Maybe the secret is you just have to wait. It will come along as long as your patient and take things slow, but how in the hell do you do that? I can't help wanting that first love even if I know it's going to leave me someday.

I just know that I can't be second. I want to come first to someone and hold their attention and I want to feel that way about them. It's not hard for me to put someone else's feelings first, I've been doing it my whole life. I guess there comes a day when you have to start being selfish and stop caring about other people. I guess today is that day.

I refuse to be someone's second. Don't ever settle people, it gets you no where and it leaves your heart scarred and battered just trying to make someone love you. It doesn't work that way unfortunately, as I have learned, so just be yourself and hope for the best. Don't do things unless you really want to and for once just think about what you want. If you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again. :)

Live your life,

Andi

A new guy

2009-01-11T19:10:00.000-05:00

Meeting someone new is always exciting and thrilling, but it's also scary and mysterious. I try not to meet new people because I just don't feel up to the whole idea and process of getting to know someone. I almost always am disappointed or it's over before it starts.

How can you trust it in the beginning? How do you know it's worth putting yourself out there?

I find that because I have been through the "getting to know" stage over and over, that when I do meet a good guy I doubt it from the first kiss. If I expect nothing then I lose nothing. This way I can't get hurt.

Is that a good thing though? I mean by the time someone wants to stick around I might be so bitter I would be a miserable girlfriend. I wish I could think positive, but it's so hard when they all start out like this.

You meet, flirt, and exchange hundreds of cute texts. You talk for hours and can't seem to stop wanting to know more. You light up whenever he calls and you can't get your mind off him.

That's my favorite part, but in the process of getting to know someone, the questions come. Answers lead to things I might not want to hear or vice versa. But is the chance of finding love worth all that time and effort?

I guess yes, because I keep trying and hoping he'll be the one who keeps me guessing and wondering. I want him to be someone I can hang in and watch movies with or have a night out getting drunk together. I want him to be simple and fun. A nice guy who will just plain want me in all the ways a girl is supposed to. Now is that so hard?

Good luck with that new guy ladies!

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Jennifer Rose

Holidays alone

2008-12-24T12:13:00.000-05:00

It's surprising that I have never spent the holidays alone. This is my first one since I was 13 and it's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's definitely still lonely as hell.

I can't stop thinking and dreaming of my summer love. As much as it hurts and stings he still shows up in my dreams and I hate/love it. I just wish we got a chance just to hang out or go snowboarding. For New Years I promise to really try and get over him. It's a new start, a new beginning, and a chance to start over.

I'm graduating, working, and moving to NYC next winter hopefully. I have a lot going for me. I have great friends that have stuck around, despite how much trouble I am. I just know this year has a lot to look forward to.

Even with all of that, I still get down around the holidays. All those awesome love christmas songs about sharing it with someone special. I wish I had that right now. I know I have to be patient and just let it come, but I just think everyone feels this way around this time when they don't have someone.

Well I know one thing, I am more than happy just to spend some time with my family and hang around the house. It means more to me than anything to see my little brother open his presents on Christmas morning with that look of excitement and awe.

That's who Christmas is for anyways. The little kids make it worth while and I love sitting there watching him get so excited to see what he got. I remember that exact feeling and I sometimes wish I was a little kid again, sitting in front of that big tree just waiting for Santa to arrive.

Merry Christmas everyone, appreciate what you have and don't take anything for granted. Don't worry about being single on Christmas, because one day you'll have a family to share it with every year too.

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Kris de Curtis

Getting Over Him

2008-12-16T23:40:00.000-05:00

Hey check out my post at this site > Relationship.net <

Hope you can give me some advice!

Live your life,

Andi

It's over

2008-12-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

I just don't get it. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I meet a guy, I like him, we hook up, things are great, until that question comes up and I ask ," so are we still seeing other people?"

Oh no, I totally ruined it again. There is something about the idea of being with someone and only them that scares the shit out of people. I know it scares me. I don't know why I bother seeing someone if it's going to go nowhere.

Why invest my time, my heart, and myself into something that I know will only end badly. Well this time I was a little smarter and I stopped it before I got in too deep. Luckily it's going to be OK this time.

This time I won't worry about what he's thinking, or who he is seeing, or what he's wearing that probably looks gorgeous. I won't think about what he's doing or where he is going at this very moment. I won't think about what class he's in or if he dreams about me in his sleep.

This time it's different.

What is a relationship anyways? Is there a middle ground where two people could actually be happy? Is that called "being together" but not "in a relationship?"

I just don't think it's that hard. I mean people get scared because then they HAVE to call her, HAVE to see her, or HAVE to kiss her goodnight and make sure she's okay. It turns into this obligation to be with someone rather than the simple want of being with them.

It's not fair. I think that if you feel it with someone and it's easy then be with them. Just be "together" because in the end that's all I care about. Having someone to spend my time with, when I actually get any, and someone to kiss and sleep next to at night.

Maybe I'll never get it or understand, all I know is I'm hurt again and it's my fault for thinking things could be different. Lies, lies and more lies. I'm just lying to myself. Another boy, another waste of my heart, and pretty soon there will be no love left in me and it's all my fault.

Live your life,

Andi

Miss Independent

2008-12-02T14:27:00.001-05:00

Yes, I have been singing this song for more than a month now and I just can't stop. It's ironic that a guy, Ne-yo, sings this because I highly doubt most men want an independent woman.

Do they really want a girl who acts like she doesn't need them? In my experience it's hard to find someone who appreciates those qualities.

Society in the past has tried to force the people to believe that men and women have different roles. One is supposed to be the dominant, strong leader; the person who lets say "wears the pants." The other is the feminine, sweet, caring, and fragile person who are taking care of everyone.

Some people like to identify with these roles and are perfectly happy to confirm to a role. As for me I'm as far from being one or the other than anyone else could be. I'm sick of being called "the guy" or "the asshole" because I'm just being who I am.

I'm a person who might have both personality traits rather than just be "the man" or "the woman" in a relationship. It's true I know how to hang with the guys and not care if I get a little dirty. It's also true I love getting flowers and being swept off my feet.

What bothers me most is being labeled.

I'm sure guys hate it when girls say "oh you're such a guy!" Guy's can't even do some things because people will associate it as acting like girl, or being too emotional. There is a certain standard men are supposed to uphold. One that I guess I'm upholding as a woman?

What is the role of a guy anyways?

The bible, which is so outdated I don't see how I am supposed to follow it, talks about a husband's role as being the provider and the head of the household.

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

1 Timothy 2:12 "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."

Come on Timothy? Is that all we are good for?

Women's roles are perceived as the caretaker and the weaker one.

1 Peter 3:1-6 "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ..."

Don't get me wrong I believe in God, but I just can't see how I am supposed to submit to men. There is no way I would ever do that. I'm my own person and I belong to me. I guess when I get married I will have to share myself, but I will never be put into a category where I have to act a certain way.

If I want to play football, I'm sure as hell going to do it and score some sweet passes while I'm at it.
If I want to hook up with a guy and never see him again, I'm going to do it.
If I want to drive 3 hours to see a guy, guess what, I'm going to do it.
If I want to pay for a meal, drive a guy somewhere, not be in a relationship, blow off plans, or dump someone, well there is just one thing to say, I'm going to do it.

I don't think those things make me a "guy" but it sure describes parts of me. I was sick and tired of playing the dame and being the caretaker just because I was expected to.

Now it's all about me and what I want. I'm sorry if that makes me a "guy" in some people's minds, but as Ne-yo says, he loves Miss Independent, and I'd say that I'm that kind of girl.

So ladies, it's ok if you are a typical girl, we still need you around because a lot of men want that, and I mean A LOT. As for the people who don't care what type of person they are as long as they are true to themselves, then keep on going and do what you do best.

You don't need a man, but there sure are nice to have around. There are some things they can do that we will never be able to do; like hold us so tight because they never want to let us go.

Just remember that when you start depending on anyone but yourself.

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Jennifer Rose Photography
Model: Danielle

Do's and Don'ts of friend triangles

2008-11-20T17:25:00.000-05:00

Boy 1 has been your best guy friend for a long time. You have always just been friends. Now boy 2 comes along who is best friends with boy 1. Girl 1 likes boy 2 and they form a little duet for some time. Boy 1 gets angry and it almost causes permanent damage to both friendships.

Question?

Do your friends have the right to go after your friends? How would you feel if your best friend went after your best guy friend? What if it didn't work out and one of them got hurt?

It makes sense that you might want to look there, I mean where else would you be meeting people, the bar? I hear all the time that couples meet through mutual friends. Yet I think this situation could work, but it all depends on how close they are. It can cause serious strain to friendships when two of your friends start dating each other and you are caught in the middle.

It can start out simple and easy. It doesn't affect anyone, but when things go sour that's where trouble begins. Then it becomes awkward when the three of you are around each other and it almost becomes like a divorce.

You have to spend time with boy 2 on this day and girl 1 on that day. I never realized how it could complicate someone else's life.

So there is a definite thought process when deciding you like boy 1's friends. Let's just say there are definite do's and don'ts when it comes to these situations.

Do's

1. DO make sure the guy you like is worth it. DO a little research before you just go throwing yourself at someone who could cause you a lot of grief later.

2. If you decide he's worth it then DO ask your friend who introduced you if it would be ok to go after them. They could give you some great insight or just be mad that you even asked. In that case you know what you should do.

3. DO take it slow. Don't just hook up with them the first night only to realize you probably would not have even made it through a second date with them.

4. DO make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend already or that the ex isn't at the same place you are. That could turn into a cat fight no one wants to watch.

5. DO realize that if things don't work out you could end up messing up your already great friendship. Be sure it's a risk you are willing to take.

Don'ts

1. DON'T be the girl who hooks up with everyones friends. It's unattractive and in the future no one will take you seriously.

2. DON'T be sneaky and think no one will find out about you guys. It's better to be open and honest than to risk hurting the people who care about you guys.

3. DON'T trust him right away. Remember just because your friend is a sweetheart and gentleman, doesn't mean his friends are.

4. DON'T put your friend in the middle of it. If you going through your mutual friend to handle your own problems with the relationship you could both be out on your butts. It's a stressful situation that no one wants to be in.

5. DON'T make things awkward if it doesn't work out. Keep your cool if you end up at the same parties or bars, just remember you took that risk and now you lay in the bed you have made.

Hope this helps, I know I could have used this advice one or twice in my life. Have a good Thanksgiving all!

Live your life,

Andi

Wanting what you can't have

2008-11-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

Hey!

Check a post I wrote on relationshiptalk.net!

Live your life,

Andi

Friends with benefits?

2008-11-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

Can it really be done?

Sometimes I really wonder if there has ever been a successful friends with benefits relationship that has worked out. There isn't really a beginning or an end and without emotional attachment it's supposed to be easy right?

It never is though and the best idea is to stay away from it. It usually just causes problems and usually one person is more into it than the other. The only time it's really a good thing is when the two friends both don't want relationships and they know that nothing will come out of it other than a physical relationship.

But do people really want just that? No emotion or feelings between you and a boy? That doesn't sound like fun. Half the fun of having a boy is wondering how he feels, the heart thump you get when he calls or texts you, or the feeling you get when he's holding you tight. Who would want to give that up just for a little physical interaction?

Some people do though and it works for them. It's all they need to satisfy that gap in their life. I wish the situation was easier, but the truth is we all want someone to care about us, even if it's just a small gesture like holding our hand.

Live your life,

Andi

Losing Your First Love

2008-11-02T23:41:00.000-05:00

#4 The High School Sweetheart

We met on my cheer-leading team; how ironic is that? He, the adolescent smart-ass wrestler and football player, was dating a young, new cheerleader and I was the older, popular Senior Captain. He thought I had it all and I still can't figure out why he ever loved me.

If I had known then that this boy would change my life and become a part of me forever, I probably would have laughed for 23 minutes at the thought. He was just a boy back then and to see him now, as this evolved, strong young man, I literally have to catch my breath to take it all in.

Oh your first love. No one EVER forgets their first love. I hear it so many times. It's the situation now where two people meet in high school and stay together for years, way into college and then end up falling apart. Most of the time it's a one sided feeling and the other half is crushed when the end comes out of left field.

I feel for both sides and I have been there myself. So rather then give you advice about your first love, I'll just have to tell my story and hope it helps all of you out there. I hope it helps those people who are the ones who have given their all and loved their boyfriend or girlfriend with their whole heart, only to find out after years of servitude and loyalty, that person doesn't love them anymore.

I hope this helps the people who have let's say, "lost their love," and as hard as they try can't piece back together what they once had. It's so hard and so emotional to go through the break-ups and the hard times, only to end up miserable and heart-broken in the end.

I'm sorry I couldn't fix my own love, but all I know is this, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

I believe that with my whole heart and so this story begins.

To Be Continued ...

Model: Iza Olivia

Photo: Andi Rothwell

Happy Halloween

2008-10-30T11:15:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone

I just wanted to wish you all a safe and Happy Halloween. Most of us are starting the festivities today and I want to see all your costumes! If you send me a picture I'll add it on the site and I'll be sure to add pictures of my own festivities.

Don't forget girls this is the one night it's ok to look slutty and parade around in tight little outfits. Just remember that boys (and girls men) are typically not looking to get into relationships
tonight so don't fall for sweet lines like, "Do you
like my costume?" "Let's go hook up."

You will mostly end up disappointed and mad that you messed up your halloween make-up. So good luck tonight and flirt like hell and have a blast!

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Balancing Boys

2008-10-29T09:16:00.000-04:00

Balance, Let's see ... classes on M, W, and F; work on T, Th, F, Sat and Sun; then an attempt at homework every night except Saturday; (That's reserved night to go dancing with my girls) now when do I find time for a boy?

Maybe at 3 a.m. when I'm drunk and micro-waving popcorn? And yes that's my dinner.

Most of you in college or life in general usually don't have time for much. When you do have a night of freedom it's usually spent with your friends getting hammered, chasing after your latest crush/goal, or just staying in relaxing, unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Being in a new relationship flips your life upside down. Sometimes it's for the better, and sometimes it's just a hassle you don't need in your hectic life. Well, not yet anyways. I'm not saying being in a relationship is bad. If you have one that works and is exactly what you want, then disregard everything I am saying.

For the rest, when someone tells you they can't be in a relationship right now or they don't want one, believe them. Know that it might not even mean they don't want you, but that they don't want what comes with the relationship.

Balancing relationships, a hook up or crush is difficult. When you do make the time for someone in your life, it better be worth it. That time is precious and whoever occupies that time should mean something.

Don't waste time on someone who's not willing to do the same for you. If a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, but still wants to date you, it might not be so bad. Calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend is just a title, a label. It doesn't define what you have with someone, you can figure it out on your own terms.

Now, back to balancing.

These are some tips I have learned and gathered on the way to balancing your life with a new crush, hook up, or boyfriend. It's important to remember that just because you really like them, they're hot, and look really good in those fitted jeans that hang off their waist, doesn't mean you give up your life for them.

1. Don't cancel plans or routine's you do on a daily basis to be with him. If you don't keep your workout schedule he won't want you anyways. :)

2. Don't blow off responsibilities. Skipping work, forgetting you had to babysit your little brother last night, or that you had to help your friend out with her mid-term project is not ok. He'll understand you have responsibilities and might like some space for himself too.

3. Don't forget your friend's. I can't say this enough, KEEP YOU FRIEND'S! It is so important to maintain the relationships you already have. A new boy is just that, a new boy. Those friends have been there for you when you were single and alone, remember that when you think about ditching them for the new guy.

4. Plan dates at certain times and places. Don't just ask to do something last minute. It starts to become a habit and then your spending so much time with them you don't even realize it. Make dates and spread them out. This isn't a marathon and balance is key to any relationship, including friends and family.

5. Make time for yourself. I know you want to see him, even as your reading this, but you have to breathe take a step back and be confident that the time he spends with you is all he needs to like you. Too much time and he will lose interest, too little he won't think your interested. Stay home, watch a movie, read a book, just enjoy a little time for yourself too.

So balance is important and can help anyone who is struggling with their overpowering feelings for someone. If you remember that you have your own life too and that if this new boy doesn't work out then you still have something to go back to.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Link in for me :)

Technorati

Alexa

You say he's just a friend?

2008-10-15T13:06:00.000-04:00

It's a Friday night and your boyfriend is out of sight, I mean town. Sweet! Time for a girls night out right? Not.

I know a lot of girls have other girl best friends and they do everything together. They have their movie nights, shopping trips, and nights where they just "need to dance".

It's a little different for me though. I have always loved boys, all kinds of them, and in every shape, form, size, color and clothing. I have dated most "types", but for the most part they all end up becoming my best friends.

I don't know what it is about girls though. It might be the hours they need to get ready just to go food shopping with me. It might be the endless gossip about who did or said what that made them cry, get angry, or depressed this week. It might just be that they are too much like me and I need a break from that. For once in my life I just need a man to fill in those woman shoes.

Size 14 red stilettos perhaps?

It's not like I have gay best friends or guys who do girl things with me, it's just that I like the way guys work. They don't think as much, cry as much, need me that much, and they are so much more simpler than girls.

Don't get me wrong now, I love my girlfriends dearly, but I will never have more than say 3 at a time. I just can't handle the constant stress of their lives and mine. Guys have it easier. Girls aren't hitting on them 24/7 or groping them on the dance floor.

They are the perfect friends for bar hopping. You can pretend they are your boyfriend when that gross guy tries to pick you up. They can drink just as much as you and still have control as opposed to a girl who lives next door and always has to be carried home and passes out in front of her door, keys still in hand.

Guys are just better at being friends than lovers. Once you throw attraction in the mix or feelings other than friendship things can get crazy.

It's hard to pick out the weeds in your life. There are definite assholes who pretend to be your friend, yet whenever they get the chance they become the poser friend. They are only there to wait until your guard is down and then lunge in for the kill.

People will try and trick you in this world, so don't be one of those girls that says, "but he was supposed to be my friend!" Trust me when I say, they never were if they try to take advantage of you.

There are 5 signs I see when a guy is just posing as friend.

1. He calls you everyday. - Save it for your real girlfriend buddy. Unless he he is your absolute best friend in the entire world, he shouldn't be calling you everyday to hang out or even just to talk. Just keep your guard up if that's happening.

2. He buys things for you - If he's always offering to pay, red flag!

3. He asks you about the type of guys you like or about your boyfriend all the time- This is a definite no no. If he sounds like he's creeping then he is.

4. He doesn't want to hang out in groups - If he is always trying to get you alone there's something fishy going on. He is trying to get the window of opportunity.

5. If he is always putting down the people you date- Definite signal that he want's you and not your friendship, wise up.

So, it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex as long as you have trust, if your in a relationship, and if your single, then just know when those signs are popping up it's time to evaluate the so called friendship.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Best and Worst Pet names 2008

2008-09-24T13:25:00.000-04:00

"Come here my little piggly wiggly!"

"What are you up to today pooh-bear?"

Oh yeah, they're real. Loving couples actually call each other these names. I don't know why we tend to feel that we have to call our significant other anything but their real name, but something in our tongues, perhaps a tingly wiggly feeling, makes us utter ridiculous, multiple syllable pet names. Don't we have enough to remember, like to bring my lunch to work today?

Some of us, who can form tender, cute nicknames, come up with beautiful substitutes. Maybe because our significant other has a boring name that SUCKS. It's acceptable to have a nickname as long as it ... A) doesn't make you jump behind a bush when exiting the crowded Park Street train station, B) make you believe you should have been reincarnated as an animal, and C) think you should have been baked instead of born.

I've rounded up the top 10 Best and Worst pet names for our generation and would love you out there to add any if you can. They will make you laugh, cry (because you know you called your boyfriend that yesterday), and maybe make you want to tell your beloved friends to seriously cut that shit out and offer them a new one.

Oh you twenty three boys, how you have offered me so much yet so little. I had to get some help on these ones! :) Until next situation, or later this week, I am out.

Best Pet Names 2008

1. Sweetie- can't go wrong with this one.

2. Sweetheart- Every woman likes hearts.

3. Baby girl- One of my personal favorites. I almost feel like I'm a ghetto superstar.

4. Beautiful- Classic and effective.

5. Hollywood- You boys love to feel like you're on top of the world. Perfect for a macho macho man.

6. Rock star- Everyone can at least play guitar hero, this makes them feel like they have a fan base.

7. Princess- Now all we need is all your money and we will be all set.

8. Honey- Not too shabby, but don't say it in a whiney voice. Could be taken as , "Honey! Where did you get those shoes!" This is for couples, not gay friends, Lo Siento. :)

9. Bonita- Come on anything in a different language is hot.

10. Sexy- since the era of Justin Timberlake this pet name will always be bringing it back.

Worst Pet Names 2008 ( Might have more to come)

1. Monkey- Do we have hair all over our bodies? If you do, stop reading and please attend to necessary errands.

2. Wifey/Hubby- I know you guys are in love and you feel like you're on cloud 9. Stop, it won't last long and unless you really are married, lets stick with boyfriend and girlfriend.

3. Muffin/Strawberry/Peach (Pretty much any fruit or anything edible)- No I don't want to be eaten or be topped with whip cream; whole different topic.

4. Momo (Short for moron)/Riri short for retard)- Oh yes I know these well. It almost sounds cute when you say it out loud, then you think about what it means, unless you really fit the description.

5. Pumpkin- I am not Cinderella nor will I ever be. I'm a brunette, geez.

6. Chickie- I was not born in a coup, neither were you unless your previous nickname was hen. In that case I feel deeply for you.

7. Darling- Again this list is for 2008. If this was the 50's this would have made the Best list. Since it is not, nix it.

8. Any other name besides yours- A common mistake I'm sure. Mostly in bed?

9. G / F or B / F (Not to be pronounced as boyfriend or girlfriend but the actual letters)-Got to cut back on the texting lingo, we all have names!

10. Pudge- I'm serious, I owe it all to my favorite ex and I'm not fat, I swear.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Nice guys who finish last

2008-09-18T16:02:00.000-04:00

Here I am again. The same place and scene. I met another "nice" boy. You know, the ones who are legit perfect, and I mean PERFECT. The ones who hold doors, bring you flowers, sweep you off your feet kind of perfect. Here I am again and I can't seem to accept perfect.

It's true when people say girls want assholes. We try to deny that statement, but it doesn't change the fact that it is completely true. We all want excitement and passion in our lives, well at least I do. I don't want to know he's at home watching TV, or out with his best friend, or that if I say come over it's exactly what he does. Come on, where's the mystery?

"No, I swear, I want a nice guy who treats me like a princess and gives me the world." It's a girls dream to have a guy who would do anything for her, put her above all else, and make her feel like she is walking on air. But how much fun is that? Try zero.

How about when that hot guy gets your phone number and then you have to sit and wait for him to call? At the time you might feel frustration, glancing at your phone every minute wondering when an unknown number will flash on your sidekick. When he finally does call your heart can't stop pounding from all the anticipation. Then you do it all over again the next day.

It's a classic scenario these days. I want to say he's perfect and that's good enough for me, but I just can't. For some unknown reason I want him to be a jerk sometimes, tease me a little, get me riled up. Life is so much better when it's unpredictable. I want to live as safely and dangerously as I can. I want the best of both worlds, but is there such a thing?

I have everything I want, yet still want more. Why can't us girls just be happy with what we have? I'm sure as hell going to try. I want my perfect man, because one day he might just surprise me and be nothing but imperfect. Flaws are actually kind of sexy and I'm sure they are hidden somewhere.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Making the first move

2008-09-17T17:54:00.000-04:00

Making the first move ...

You catch his eye, but look away. It's there, that initial attraction to that stupid, shy, insecure boy who has no idea how to say a two-letter word: Hi. It takes about two hours for him to walk by you, then another hour to brush by you. Either someone finally introduces you, or you might comment on that drunk person dancing on the table making a fool of themselves and you chuckle secretly relieved it wasn't you this week.

The first move. I know, I know, it must be the worst thing you boys ever have to do in your life, but seriously the outcome will be worth it. It's pretty easy to read a girl, well most girls, and it just takes one word to get someone's attention. If you're a "not cute" boy then sorry, you might not get the attention. Don't worry it happens to girls too and more than you think.

For most intelligent, nice, cute boys this method usually works. Please boys tell me why is it so hard to say hello. Not just hello, but asking for numbers, names, where you live, you know those common things people might want to infer about that gorgeous person across the room.

Point is, make the first move. I'm not saying it always has to be on you, but at least make the effort. Women will appreciate it, if done correctly, and you might just meet a pretty cool person. Hey, you just never know.

Ladies don't forget to step it up too, it's the 21st century and it's about time we all get with it.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.