Holidays alone

It's surprising that I have never spent the holidays alone. This is my first one since I was 13 and it's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's definitely still lonely as hell. 

I can't stop thinking and dreaming of my summer love. As much as it hurts and stings he still shows up in my dreams and I hate/love it. I just wish we got a chance just to hang out or go snowboarding. For New Years I promise to really try and get over him. It's a new start, a new beginning, and a chance to start over. 

I'm graduating, working, and moving to NYC next winter hopefully. I have a lot going for me. I have great friends that have stuck around, despite how much trouble I am. I just know this year has a lot to look forward to. 

Even with all of that, I still get down around the holidays. All those awesome love christmas songs about sharing it with someone special. I wish I had that right now. I know I have to be patient and just let it come, but I just think everyone feels this way around this time when they don't have someone. 

Well I know one thing, I am more than happy just to spend some time with my family and hang around the house. It means more to me than anything to see my little brother open his presents on Christmas morning with that look of excitement and awe.

That's who Christmas is for anyways. The little kids make it worth while and I love sitting there watching him get so excited to see what he got. I remember that exact feeling and I sometimes wish I was a little kid again, sitting in front of that big tree just waiting for Santa to arrive. 

Merry Christmas everyone, appreciate what you have and don't take anything for granted. Don't worry about being single on Christmas, because one day you'll have a family to share it with every year too. 

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Kris de Curtis 

Getting Over Him

Hey check out my post at this site > Relationship.net <

Hope you can give me some advice!

Live your life,

Andi

It's over

I just don't get it. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I meet a guy, I like him, we hook up, things are great, until that question comes up and I ask ," so are we still seeing other people?" 

Oh no, I totally ruined it again. There is something about the idea of being with someone and only them that scares the shit out of people. I know it scares me. I don't know why I bother seeing someone if it's going to go nowhere. 

Why invest my time, my heart, and myself into something that I know will only end badly. Well this time I was a little smarter and I stopped it before I got in too deep. Luckily it's going to be OK this time. 

This time I won't worry about what he's thinking, or who he is seeing, or what he's wearing that probably looks gorgeous. I won't think about what he's doing or where he is going at this very moment. I won't think about what class he's in or if he dreams about me in his sleep. 

This time it's different. 

What is a relationship anyways? Is there a middle ground where two people could actually be happy? Is that called "being together" but not "in a relationship?"

I just don't think it's that hard. I mean people get scared because then they HAVE to call her, HAVE to see her, or HAVE to kiss her goodnight and make sure she's okay. It turns into this obligation to be with someone rather than the simple want of being with them. 

It's not fair. I think that if you feel it with someone and it's easy then be with them. Just be "together" because in the end that's all I care about. Having someone to spend my time with, when I actually get any, and someone to kiss and sleep next to at night. 

Maybe I'll never get it or understand, all I know is I'm hurt again and it's my fault for thinking things could be different. Lies, lies and more lies. I'm just lying to myself. Another boy, another waste of my heart, and pretty soon there will be no love left in me and it's all my fault. 

Live your life,

Andi

Miss Independent

Yes, I have been singing this song for more than a month now and I just can't stop. It's ironic that a guy, Ne-yo, sings this because I highly doubt most men want an independent woman.

Do they really want a girl who acts like she doesn't need them? In my experience it's hard to find someone who appreciates those qualities.

Society in the past has tried to force the people to believe that men and women have different roles. One is supposed to be the dominant, strong leader; the person who lets say "wears the pants." The other is the feminine, sweet, caring, and fragile person who are taking care of everyone.

Some people like to identify with these roles and are perfectly happy to confirm to a role. As for me I'm as far from being one or the other than anyone else could be. I'm sick of being called "the guy" or "the asshole" because I'm just being who I am.

I'm a person who might have both personality traits rather than just be "the man" or "the woman" in a relationship. It's true I know how to hang with the guys and not care if I get a little dirty. It's also true I love getting flowers and being swept off my feet.

What bothers me most is being labeled.

I'm sure guys hate it when girls say "oh you're such a guy!" Guy's can't even do some things because people will associate it as acting like girl, or being too emotional. There is a certain standard men are supposed to uphold. One that I guess I'm upholding as a woman?

What is the role of a guy anyways?

The bible, which is so outdated I don't see how I am supposed to follow it, talks about a husband's role as being the provider and the head of the household.

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

1 Timothy 2:12 "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."

Come on Timothy? Is that all we are good for?

Women's roles are perceived as the caretaker and the weaker one.

1 Peter 3:1-6 "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ..."

Don't get me wrong I believe in God, but I just can't see how I am supposed to submit to men. There is no way I would ever do that. I'm my own person and I belong to me. I guess when I get married I will have to share myself, but I will never be put into a category where I have to act a certain way.

If I want to play football, I'm sure as hell going to do it and score some sweet passes while I'm at it.
If I want to hook up with a guy and never see him again, I'm going to do it.
If I want to drive 3 hours to see a guy, guess what, I'm going to do it.
If I want to pay for a meal, drive a guy somewhere, not be in a relationship, blow off plans, or dump someone, well there is just one thing to say, I'm going to do it.

I don't think those things make me a "guy" but it sure describes parts of me.  I was sick and tired of playing the dame and being the caretaker just because I was expected to.

Now it's all about me and what I want. I'm sorry if that makes me a "guy" in some people's minds, but as Ne-yo says, he loves Miss Independent, and I'd say that I'm that kind of girl.

So ladies, it's ok if you are a typical girl, we still need you around because a lot of men want that, and I mean A LOT. As for the people who don't care what type of person they are as long as they are true to themselves, then keep on going and do what you do best.

You don't need a man, but there sure are nice to have around. There are some things they can do that we will never be able to do; like hold us so tight because they never want to let us go.

Just remember that when you start depending on anyone but yourself.

Live your life,

Andi


Photo by Jennifer Rose Photography
Model: Danielle