Holidays alone

It's surprising that I have never spent the holidays alone. This is my first one since I was 13 and it's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's definitely still lonely as hell. 

I can't stop thinking and dreaming of my summer love. As much as it hurts and stings he still shows up in my dreams and I hate/love it. I just wish we got a chance just to hang out or go snowboarding. For New Years I promise to really try and get over him. It's a new start, a new beginning, and a chance to start over. 

I'm graduating, working, and moving to NYC next winter hopefully. I have a lot going for me. I have great friends that have stuck around, despite how much trouble I am. I just know this year has a lot to look forward to. 

Even with all of that, I still get down around the holidays. All those awesome love christmas songs about sharing it with someone special. I wish I had that right now. I know I have to be patient and just let it come, but I just think everyone feels this way around this time when they don't have someone. 

Well I know one thing, I am more than happy just to spend some time with my family and hang around the house. It means more to me than anything to see my little brother open his presents on Christmas morning with that look of excitement and awe.

That's who Christmas is for anyways. The little kids make it worth while and I love sitting there watching him get so excited to see what he got. I remember that exact feeling and I sometimes wish I was a little kid again, sitting in front of that big tree just waiting for Santa to arrive. 

Merry Christmas everyone, appreciate what you have and don't take anything for granted. Don't worry about being single on Christmas, because one day you'll have a family to share it with every year too. 

Live your life,

Andi

Photo by Kris de Curtis 

Getting Over Him

Hey check out my post at this site > Relationship.net <

Hope you can give me some advice!

Live your life,

Andi

It's over

I just don't get it. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I meet a guy, I like him, we hook up, things are great, until that question comes up and I ask ," so are we still seeing other people?" 

Oh no, I totally ruined it again. There is something about the idea of being with someone and only them that scares the shit out of people. I know it scares me. I don't know why I bother seeing someone if it's going to go nowhere. 

Why invest my time, my heart, and myself into something that I know will only end badly. Well this time I was a little smarter and I stopped it before I got in too deep. Luckily it's going to be OK this time. 

This time I won't worry about what he's thinking, or who he is seeing, or what he's wearing that probably looks gorgeous. I won't think about what he's doing or where he is going at this very moment. I won't think about what class he's in or if he dreams about me in his sleep. 

This time it's different. 

What is a relationship anyways? Is there a middle ground where two people could actually be happy? Is that called "being together" but not "in a relationship?"

I just don't think it's that hard. I mean people get scared because then they HAVE to call her, HAVE to see her, or HAVE to kiss her goodnight and make sure she's okay. It turns into this obligation to be with someone rather than the simple want of being with them. 

It's not fair. I think that if you feel it with someone and it's easy then be with them. Just be "together" because in the end that's all I care about. Having someone to spend my time with, when I actually get any, and someone to kiss and sleep next to at night. 

Maybe I'll never get it or understand, all I know is I'm hurt again and it's my fault for thinking things could be different. Lies, lies and more lies. I'm just lying to myself. Another boy, another waste of my heart, and pretty soon there will be no love left in me and it's all my fault. 

Live your life,

Andi

Miss Independent

Yes, I have been singing this song for more than a month now and I just can't stop. It's ironic that a guy, Ne-yo, sings this because I highly doubt most men want an independent woman.

Do they really want a girl who acts like she doesn't need them? In my experience it's hard to find someone who appreciates those qualities.

Society in the past has tried to force the people to believe that men and women have different roles. One is supposed to be the dominant, strong leader; the person who lets say "wears the pants." The other is the feminine, sweet, caring, and fragile person who are taking care of everyone.

Some people like to identify with these roles and are perfectly happy to confirm to a role. As for me I'm as far from being one or the other than anyone else could be. I'm sick of being called "the guy" or "the asshole" because I'm just being who I am.

I'm a person who might have both personality traits rather than just be "the man" or "the woman" in a relationship. It's true I know how to hang with the guys and not care if I get a little dirty. It's also true I love getting flowers and being swept off my feet.

What bothers me most is being labeled.

I'm sure guys hate it when girls say "oh you're such a guy!" Guy's can't even do some things because people will associate it as acting like girl, or being too emotional. There is a certain standard men are supposed to uphold. One that I guess I'm upholding as a woman?

What is the role of a guy anyways?

The bible, which is so outdated I don't see how I am supposed to follow it, talks about a husband's role as being the provider and the head of the household.

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

1 Timothy 2:12 "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."

Come on Timothy? Is that all we are good for?

Women's roles are perceived as the caretaker and the weaker one.

1 Peter 3:1-6 "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ..."

Don't get me wrong I believe in God, but I just can't see how I am supposed to submit to men. There is no way I would ever do that. I'm my own person and I belong to me. I guess when I get married I will have to share myself, but I will never be put into a category where I have to act a certain way.

If I want to play football, I'm sure as hell going to do it and score some sweet passes while I'm at it.
If I want to hook up with a guy and never see him again, I'm going to do it.
If I want to drive 3 hours to see a guy, guess what, I'm going to do it.
If I want to pay for a meal, drive a guy somewhere, not be in a relationship, blow off plans, or dump someone, well there is just one thing to say, I'm going to do it.

I don't think those things make me a "guy" but it sure describes parts of me.  I was sick and tired of playing the dame and being the caretaker just because I was expected to.

Now it's all about me and what I want. I'm sorry if that makes me a "guy" in some people's minds, but as Ne-yo says, he loves Miss Independent, and I'd say that I'm that kind of girl.

So ladies, it's ok if you are a typical girl, we still need you around because a lot of men want that, and I mean A LOT. As for the people who don't care what type of person they are as long as they are true to themselves, then keep on going and do what you do best.

You don't need a man, but there sure are nice to have around. There are some things they can do that we will never be able to do; like hold us so tight because they never want to let us go.

Just remember that when you start depending on anyone but yourself.

Live your life,

Andi


Photo by Jennifer Rose Photography
Model: Danielle

Do's and Don'ts of friend triangles

Boy 1 has been your best guy friend for a long time. You have always just been friends. Now boy 2 comes along who is best friends with boy 1. Girl 1 likes boy 2 and they form a little duet for some time. Boy 1 gets angry and it almost causes permanent damage to both friendships. 

Question? 

Do your friends have the right to go after your friends? How would you feel if your best friend went after your best guy friend? What if it didn't work out and one of them got hurt?

 It makes sense that you might want to look there, I mean where else would you be meeting people, the bar? I hear all the time that couples meet through mutual friends. Yet I think this situation could work, but it all depends on how close they are. It can cause serious strain to friendships when two of your friends start dating each other and you are caught in the middle.

It can start out simple and easy. It doesn't affect anyone, but when things go sour that's where trouble begins. Then it becomes awkward when the three of you are around each other and it almost becomes like a divorce. 

You have to spend time with boy 2 on this day and girl 1 on that day. I never realized how it could complicate someone else's life. 

So there is a definite thought process when deciding you like boy 1's friends. Let's just say there are definite do's and don'ts when it comes to these situations. 

Do's

1. DO make sure the guy you like is worth it. DO a little research before you just go throwing yourself at someone who could cause you a lot of grief later. 

2. If you decide he's worth it then DO ask your friend who introduced you if it would be ok to go after them. They could give you some great insight or just be mad that you even asked. In that case you know what you should do. 

3. DO take it slow. Don't just hook up with them the first night only to realize you probably would not have even made it through a second date with them. 

4. DO make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend already or that the ex isn't at the same place you are. That could turn into a cat fight no one wants to watch. 

5. DO realize that if things don't work out you could end up messing up your already great friendship. Be sure it's a risk you are willing to take. 

Don'ts

1. DON'T be the girl who hooks up with everyones friends. It's unattractive and in the future no one will take you seriously. 

2. DON'T be sneaky and think no one will find out about you guys. It's better to be open and honest than to risk hurting the people who care about you guys. 

3. DON'T trust him right away. Remember just because your friend is a sweetheart and gentleman, doesn't mean his friends are. 

4. DON'T put your friend in the middle of it. If you going through your mutual friend to handle your own problems with the relationship you could both be out on your butts. It's a stressful situation that no one wants to be in. 

5. DON'T make things awkward if it doesn't work out. Keep your cool if you end up at the same parties or bars, just remember you took that risk and now you lay in the bed you have made. 

Hope this helps, I know I could have used this advice one or twice in my life. Have a good Thanksgiving all! 

Live your life,

Andi

Wanting what you can't have

Hey!

Check a post I wrote on relationshiptalk.net! 

Live your life,

Andi

Friends with benefits?

Can it really be done?

Sometimes I really wonder if there has ever been a successful friends with benefits relationship that has worked out. There isn't really a beginning or an end and without emotional attachment it's supposed to be easy right?

It never is though and the best idea is to stay away from it. It usually just causes problems and usually one person is more into it than the other. The only time it's really a good thing is when the two friends both don't want relationships and they know that nothing will come out of it other than a physical relationship.

But do people really want just that? No emotion or feelings between you and a boy? That doesn't sound like fun. Half the fun of having a boy is wondering how he feels, the heart thump you get when he calls or texts you, or the feeling you get when he's holding you tight. Who would want to give that up just for a little physical interaction?

Some people do though and it works for them. It's all they need to satisfy that gap in their life. I wish the situation was easier, but the truth is we all want someone to care about us, even if it's just a small gesture like holding our hand.

Live your life,

Andi

Losing Your First Love

#4 The High School Sweetheart

We met on my cheer-leading team; how ironic is that? He, the adolescent smart-ass wrestler and football player, was dating a young, new cheerleader and I was the older, popular Senior Captain. He thought I had it all and I still can't figure out why he ever loved me.

If I had known then that this boy would change my life and become a part of me forever, I probably would have laughed for 23 minutes at the thought. He was just a boy back then and to see him now, as this evolved, strong young man, I literally have to catch my breath to take it all in.

Oh your first love. No one EVER forgets their first love. I hear it so many times. It's the situation now where two people meet in high school and stay together for years, way into college and then end up falling apart. Most of the time it's a one sided feeling and the other half is crushed when the end comes out of left field.

I feel for both sides and I have been there myself. So rather then give you advice about your first love, I'll just have to tell my story and hope it helps all of you out there. I hope it helps those people who are the ones who have given their all and loved their boyfriend or girlfriend with their whole heart, only to find out after years of servitude and loyalty, that person doesn't love them anymore.

I hope this helps the people who have let's say, "lost their love," and as hard as they try can't piece back together what they once had. It's so hard and so emotional to go through the break-ups and the hard times, only to end up miserable and heart-broken in the end.

I'm sorry I couldn't fix my own love, but all I know is this, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

I believe that with my whole heart and so this story begins.

To Be Continued ...

Model: Iza Olivia

Photo: Andi Rothwell

Happy Halloween

Hey everyone

I just wanted to wish you all a safe and Happy Halloween. Most of us are starting the festivities today and I want to see all your costumes! If you send me a picture I'll add it on the site and I'll be sure to add pictures of my own festivities.

Don't forget girls this is the one night it's ok to look slutty and parade around in tight little outfits. Just remember that boys (and girls men) are typically not looking to get into relationships
tonight so don't fall for sweet lines like, "Do you
like my costume?" "Let's go hook up."

You will mostly end up disappointed and mad that you messed up your halloween make-up. So good luck tonight and flirt like hell and have a blast!

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Balancing Boys

Balance, Let's see ... classes on M, W, and F; work on T, Th, F, Sat and Sun; then an attempt at homework every night except Saturday; (That's reserved night to go dancing with my girls) now when do I find time for a boy? 

Maybe at  3 a.m. when I'm drunk and micro-waving popcorn? And yes that's my dinner. 

Most of you in college or life in general usually don't have time for much.  When you do have a night of freedom it's usually spent with your friends getting hammered, chasing after your latest crush/goal, or just staying in relaxing, unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. 

Being in a new relationship flips your life upside down. Sometimes it's for the better, and sometimes it's just a hassle you don't need in your hectic life. Well, not yet anyways. I'm not saying being in a relationship is bad. If you have one that works and is exactly what you want, then disregard everything I am saying. 

For the rest, when someone tells you they can't be in a relationship right now or they don't want one, believe them. Know that it might not even mean they don't want you, but that they don't want what comes with the relationship. 

Balancing relationships, a hook up or crush is difficult. When you do make the time for someone in your life, it better be worth it. That time is precious and whoever occupies that time should mean something.  

Don't waste time on someone who's not willing to do the same for you. If a guy says he doesn't want a relationship, but still wants to date you, it might not be so bad. Calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend is just a title, a label. It doesn't define what you have with someone, you can figure it out on  your own terms.

Now, back to balancing. 

These are some tips I have learned and gathered on the way to balancing your life with a new crush, hook up, or boyfriend. It's important to remember that just because you really like them, they're hot, and look really good in those fitted jeans that hang off their waist, doesn't mean you give up your life for them. 

1. Don't cancel plans or routine's you do on a daily basis to be with him. If you don't keep your workout schedule he won't want you anyways. :) 

2. Don't blow off responsibilities. Skipping work, forgetting you had to babysit your little brother last night, or that you had to help your friend out with her mid-term project is not ok. He'll understand you have responsibilities and might like some space for himself too. 

3. Don't forget your friend's. I can't say this enough, KEEP YOU FRIEND'S! It is so important to maintain the relationships you already have.  A new boy is just that, a new boy. Those friends have been there for you when you were single and alone, remember that when you think about ditching them for the new guy.

4. Plan dates at certain times and places. Don't just ask to do something last minute. It starts to become a habit and then your spending so much time with them you don't even realize it. Make dates and spread them out. This isn't a marathon and balance is key to any relationship, including friends and family.

5. Make time for yourself. I know you want to see him, even as your reading this, but you have to breathe take a step back and be confident that the time he spends with you is all he needs to like you. Too much time and he will lose interest, too little he won't think your interested. Stay home, watch a movie, read a book, just enjoy a little time for yourself too. 

So balance is important and can help anyone who is struggling with their overpowering feelings for someone. If you remember that you have your own life too and that if this new boy doesn't work out then you still have something to go back to. 

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Link in for me :)

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Alexa

You say he's just a friend?

It's a Friday night and your boyfriend is out of sight, I mean town. Sweet! Time for a girls night out right? Not.

I know a lot of girls have other girl best friends and they do everything together. They have their movie nights, shopping trips, and nights where they just "need to dance".

It's a little different for me though. I have always loved boys, all kinds of them, and in every shape, form, size, color and clothing. I have dated most "types", but for the most part they all end up becoming my best friends.

I don't know what it is about girls though. It might be the hours they need to get ready just to go food shopping with me. It might be the endless gossip about who did or said what that made them cry, get angry, or depressed this week. It might just be that they are too much like me and I need a break from that. For once in my life I just need a man to fill in those woman shoes.

Size 14 red stilettos perhaps?

It's not like I have gay best friends or guys who do girl things with me, it's just that I like the way guys work. They don't think as much, cry as much, need me that much, and they are so much more simpler than girls.

Don't get me wrong now, I love my girlfriends dearly, but I will never have more than say 3 at a time. I just can't handle the constant stress of their lives and mine. Guys have it easier. Girls aren't hitting on them 24/7 or groping them on the dance floor.

They are the perfect friends for bar hopping. You can pretend they are your boyfriend when that gross guy tries to pick you up. They can drink just as much as you and still have control as opposed to a girl who lives next door and always has to be carried home and passes out in front of her door, keys still in hand.

Guys are just better at being friends than lovers. Once you throw attraction in the mix or feelings other than friendship things can get crazy.

It's hard to pick out the weeds in your life. There are definite assholes who pretend to be your friend, yet whenever they get the chance they become the poser friend. They are only there to wait until your guard is down and then lunge in for the kill.

People will try and trick you in this world, so don't be one of those girls that says, "but he was supposed to be my friend!" Trust me when I say, they never were if they try to take advantage of you.

There are 5 signs I see when a guy is just posing as friend.

1. He calls you everyday. - Save it for your real girlfriend buddy. Unless he he is your absolute best friend in the entire world, he shouldn't be calling you everyday to hang out or even just to talk. Just keep your guard up if that's happening.

2. He buys things for you - If he's always offering to pay, red flag!

3. He asks you about the type of guys you like or about your boyfriend all the time- This is a definite no no. If he sounds like he's creeping then he is.

4. He doesn't want to hang out in groups - If he is always trying to get you alone there's something fishy going on. He is trying to get the window of opportunity.

5. If he is always putting down the people you date- Definite signal that he want's you and not your friendship, wise up.

So, it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex as long as you have trust, if your in a relationship, and if your single, then just know when those signs are popping up it's time to evaluate the so called friendship.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Best and Worst Pet names 2008

"Come here my little piggly wiggly!"

"What are you up to today pooh-bear?"

Oh yeah, they're real. Loving couples actually call each other these names. I don't know why we tend to feel that we have to call our significant other anything but their real name, but something in our tongues, perhaps a tingly wiggly feeling, makes us utter ridiculous, multiple syllable pet names. Don't we have enough to remember, like to bring my lunch to work today?

Some of us, who can form tender, cute nicknames, come up with beautiful substitutes. Maybe because our significant other has a boring name that SUCKS. It's acceptable to have a nickname as long as it ... A) doesn't make you jump behind a bush when exiting the crowded Park Street train station, B) make you believe you should have been reincarnated as an animal, and C) think you should have been baked instead of born.

I've rounded up the top 10 Best and Worst pet names for our generation and would love you out there to add any if you can. They will make you laugh, cry (because you know you called your boyfriend that yesterday), and maybe make you want to tell your beloved friends to seriously cut that shit out and offer them a new one.

Oh you twenty three boys, how you have offered me so much yet so little. I had to get some help on these ones! :) Until next situation, or later this week, I am out.

Best Pet Names 2008

1. Sweetie- can't go wrong with this one.

2. Sweetheart- Every woman likes hearts.

3. Baby girl- One of my personal favorites. I almost feel like I'm a ghetto superstar.

4. Beautiful- Classic and effective.

5. Hollywood- You boys love to feel like you're on top of the world. Perfect for a macho macho man.

6. Rock star- Everyone can at least play guitar hero, this makes them feel like they have a fan base.

7. Princess- Now all we need is all your money and we will be all set.

8. Honey- Not too shabby, but don't say it in a whiney voice. Could be taken as , "Honey! Where did you get those shoes!" This is for couples, not gay friends, Lo Siento. :)

9. Bonita- Come on anything in a different language is hot.

10. Sexy- since the era of Justin Timberlake this pet name will always be bringing it back.

Worst Pet Names 2008 ( Might have more to come)

1. Monkey- Do we have hair all over our bodies? If you do, stop reading and please attend to necessary errands.

2. Wifey/Hubby- I know you guys are in love and you feel like you're on cloud 9. Stop, it won't last long and unless you really are married, lets stick with boyfriend and girlfriend.

3. Muffin/Strawberry/Peach (Pretty much any fruit or anything edible)- No I don't want to be eaten or be topped with whip cream; whole different topic.

4. Momo (Short for moron)/Riri short for retard)- Oh yes I know these well. It almost sounds cute when you say it out loud, then you think about what it means, unless you really fit the description.

5. Pumpkin- I am not Cinderella nor will I ever be. I'm a brunette, geez.

6. Chickie- I was not born in a coup, neither were you unless your previous nickname was hen. In that case I feel deeply for you.

7. Darling- Again this list is for 2008. If this was the 50's this would have made the Best list. Since it is not, nix it.

8. Any other name besides yours- A common mistake I'm sure. Mostly in bed?

9. G / F or B / F (Not to be pronounced as boyfriend or girlfriend but the actual letters)-Got to cut back on the texting lingo, we all have names!

10. Pudge- I'm serious, I owe it all to my favorite ex and I'm not fat, I swear.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Nice guys who finish last

Here I am again. The same place and scene. I met another "nice" boy. You know, the ones who are legit perfect, and I mean PERFECT. The ones who hold doors, bring you flowers, sweep you off your feet kind of perfect. Here I am again and I can't seem to accept perfect.

It's true when people say girls want assholes. We try to deny that statement, but it doesn't change the fact that it is completely true. We all want excitement and passion in our lives, well at least I do. I don't want to know he's at home watching TV, or out with his best friend, or that if I say come over it's exactly what he does. Come on, where's the mystery?

"No, I swear, I want a nice guy who treats me like a princess and gives me the world." It's a girls dream to have a guy who would do anything for her, put her above all else, and make her feel like she is walking on air. But how much fun is that? Try zero.

How about when that hot guy gets your phone number and then you have to sit and wait for him to call? At the time you might feel frustration, glancing at your phone every minute wondering when an unknown number will flash on your sidekick. When he finally does call your heart can't stop pounding from all the anticipation. Then you do it all over again the next day.

It's a classic scenario these days. I want to say he's perfect and that's good enough for me, but I just can't. For some unknown reason I want him to be a jerk sometimes, tease me a little, get me riled up. Life is so much better when it's unpredictable. I want to live as safely and dangerously as I can. I want the best of both worlds, but is there such a thing?

I have everything I want, yet still want more. Why can't us girls just be happy with what we have? I'm sure as hell going to try. I want my perfect man, because one day he might just surprise me and be nothing but imperfect. Flaws are actually kind of sexy and I'm sure they are hidden somewhere.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.

Making the first move

Making the first move ...

You catch his eye, but look away. It's there, that initial attraction to that stupid, shy, insecure boy who has no idea how to say a two-letter word: Hi. It takes about two hours for him to walk by you, then another hour to brush by you. Either someone finally introduces you, or you might comment on that drunk person dancing on the table making a fool of themselves and you chuckle secretly relieved it wasn't you this week.


The first move. I know, I know, it must be the worst thing you boys ever have to do in your life, but seriously the outcome will be worth it. It's pretty easy to read a girl, well most girls, and it just takes one word to get someone's attention. If you're a "not cute" boy then sorry, you might not get the attention. Don't worry it happens to girls too and more than you think.


For most intelligent, nice, cute boys this method usually works. Please boys tell me why is it so hard to say hello. Not just hello, but asking for numbers, names, where you live, you know those common things people might want to infer about that gorgeous person across the room.


Point is, make the first move. I'm not saying it always has to be on you, but at least make the effort. Women will appreciate it, if done correctly, and you might just meet a pretty cool person. Hey, you just never know.


Ladies don't forget to step it up too, it's the 21st century and it's about time we all get with it.

Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.