Have you ever waited on a man?

12.12.2008

It's over


I just don't get it. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I meet a guy, I like him, we hook up, things are great, until that question comes up and I ask ," so are we still seeing other people?" 

Oh no, I totally ruined it again. There is something about the idea of being with someone and only them that scares the shit out of people. I know it scares me. I don't know why I bother seeing someone if it's going to go nowhere. 

Why invest my time, my heart, and myself into something that I know will only end badly. Well this time I was a little smarter and I stopped it before I got in too deep. Luckily it's going to be OK this time. 

This time I won't worry about what he's thinking, or who he is seeing, or what he's wearing that probably looks gorgeous. I won't think about what he's doing or where he is going at this very moment. I won't think about what class he's in or if he dreams about me in his sleep. 

This time it's different. 

What is a relationship anyways? Is there a middle ground where two people could actually be happy? Is that called "being together" but not "in a relationship?"

I just don't think it's that hard. I mean people get scared because then they HAVE to call her, HAVE to see her, or HAVE to kiss her goodnight and make sure she's okay. It turns into this obligation to be with someone rather than the simple want of being with them. 

It's not fair. I think that if you feel it with someone and it's easy then be with them. Just be "together" because in the end that's all I care about. Having someone to spend my time with, when I actually get any, and someone to kiss and sleep next to at night. 

Maybe I'll never get it or understand, all I know is I'm hurt again and it's my fault for thinking things could be different. Lies, lies and more lies. I'm just lying to myself. Another boy, another waste of my heart, and pretty soon there will be no love left in me and it's all my fault. 

Live your life,

Andi

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