"What are you up to today pooh-bear?"
Oh yeah, they're real. Loving couples actually call each other these names. I don't know why we tend to feel that we have to call our significant other anything but their real name, but something in our tongues, perhaps a tingly wiggly feeling, makes us utter ridiculous, multiple syllable pet names. Don't we have enough to remember, like to bring my lunch to work today?
Some of us, who can form tender, cute nicknames, come up with beautiful substitutes. Maybe because our significant other has a boring name that SUCKS. It's acceptable to have a nickname as long as it ... A) doesn't make you jump behind a bush when exiting the crowded Park Street train station, B) make you believe you should have been reincarnated as an animal, and C) think you should have been baked instead of born.
I've rounded up the top 10 Best and Worst pet names for our generation and would love you out there to add any if you can. They will make you laugh, cry (because you know you called your boyfriend that yesterday), and maybe make you want to tell your beloved friends to seriously cut that shit out and offer them a new one.
Oh you twenty three boys, how you have offered me so much yet so little. I had to get some help on these ones! :) Until next situation, or later this week, I am out.
Best Pet Names 2008
1. Sweetie- can't go wrong with this one.
2. Sweetheart- Every woman likes hearts.
3. Baby girl- One of my personal favorites. I almost feel like I'm a ghetto superstar.
4. Beautiful- Classic and effective.
5. Hollywood- You boys love to feel like you're on top of the world. Perfect for a macho macho man.
6. Rock star- Everyone can at least play guitar hero, this makes them feel like they have a fan base.
7. Princess- Now all we need is all your money and we will be all set.
8. Honey- Not too shabby, but don't say it in a whiney voice. Could be taken as , "Honey! Where did you get those shoes!" This is for couples, not gay friends, Lo Siento. :)
9. Bonita- Come on anything in a different language is hot.
10. Sexy- since the era of Justin Timberlake this pet name will always be bringing it back.
Worst Pet Names 2008 ( Might have more to come)
1. Monkey- Do we have hair all over our bodies? If you do, stop reading and please attend to necessary errands.
2. Wifey/Hubby- I know you guys are in love and you feel like you're on cloud 9. Stop, it won't last long and unless you really are married, lets stick with boyfriend and girlfriend.
3. Muffin/Strawberry/Peach (Pretty much any fruit or anything edible)- No I don't want to be eaten or be topped with whip cream; whole different topic.
4. Momo (Short for moron)/Riri short for retard)- Oh yes I know these well. It almost sounds cute when you say it out loud, then you think about what it means, unless you really fit the description.
5. Pumpkin- I am not Cinderella nor will I ever be. I'm a brunette, geez.
6. Chickie- I was not born in a coup, neither were you unless your previous nickname was hen. In that case I feel deeply for you.
7. Darling- Again this list is for 2008. If this was the 50's this would have made the Best list. Since it is not, nix it.
8. Any other name besides yours- A common mistake I'm sure. Mostly in bed?
9. G / F or B / F (Not to be pronounced as boyfriend or girlfriend but the actual letters)-Got to cut back on the texting lingo, we all have names!
10. Pudge- I'm serious, I owe it all to my favorite ex and I'm not fat, I swear.
Oh boys, twenty three boys, or 59, 37, 334, whatever it is, there isn't enough in this world to satisfy us WOMEN. See you next time, next problem, next stupid boy.